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November 28 EmotionsEmotions are so hard to control. When being angry, sad or annoyed.
I remember last time i can control my anger, tried not to be angry, or show that i'm angry to anyone. I try not to be sad everyday after that incident, but failed to do so everyday. I tried to hide it, but was unable to. I'm able to hide my anger, but unable to do the same with my sadness.
As for now, i can't control my anger, i start to feel annoy. When people ask me for answer during test, when people keep bothering me when i'm trying to solve a question. I dunno why, but i hate it. The "annoy"-ment, makes me unable to hide it. Thus i lost the power to control my anger. But as for now, i'm unable to control my sadness, i tried not to show my sadness, i tried to be more retarded everytime i feel sad.
I can't be sad anymore, i dun wan to be sad anymore. My tears are dried up few years back and it won't come back. Nothing shall repeat again. Nothing should. For now, i'm no more delconi. I'm just but an ordinary people, however without any sadness shown on the face.
I'm just me.
So for picture of the day from the bleach. Hitsugaya Toushirou.
Ice Prince  November 25 Week End + FridayMiss out blog for a few days, either sleepy or lazy or just pretty much nothing to write about.
I was thinking, do i really need money? I told alot of people that i dun really care about money as long as i can live with the amount i have. But then again, i hope to earn alot of money so i can buy a good house for my parents to live in, thats the only thing i can think of when i got alot of money. Other than that i might wan to buy some stuff now which is quite useless so i won't be buying it with the money my parents gave me. I want to buy Lucky Star Manga x4 $7 each, a $102 figuring, #78.90 World of warcraft board game. Thats all, less than $200 i suppose.
Suddenly saw that name when looking at teens magazine that i borrow from my friends. P. Same spelling too. Suddenly think of her, what she's doing now, how's her studies? Heard from my friend she's struggling, will she be ok? Wait, maybe i shouldn't care about it, but sometime, i just can't help it. But last time, i really wan her. What about now? Maybe, no. Do i have that same feeling like those years back.
I should just concentrate on finding a new one, maybe, or maybe till i finish NS. Or maybe, after i enter poly next year...
Here's picture of the day, Izumi loving mother. from the anime Lucky Star. Not by me.
Always With You  November 21 Excuses Are Stupid And Dumbthe word "if" shouldn't even exist in the world. In any language, in any type of communication.
"If i had study, my grades will be better than you." Thats why i'm better than you, cause you didn't study, you choose not to.
"If i had wake up earlier, i will reach earlier than you" Thats why i'm earlier, you choose to not wake up earlier.
"If i had farm my items in that dota game, i would have own" Thats why the opponent team don't let you farm. Which hero dun own when he/she got the item?
So actually there's no such thing as "if". Its just an excuse people give.
Everyone is actually the same. For instance in my class.
I'll say "how come you dunno how to do this?"
"i come late then did not listen to the teacher explaination"
"then why did you come late?"
"cause there's a traffic jam"
"If you know there's a traffic jam, why come out of the house late?"
"cause i sleep late last night"
"why did you even sleep late last night?"
"Ccause i play game"
etc etc...
So everyone is actually the same, just that, they choose to be.
I just hate someone, who keep thinking they are correct. Keep calling himself good, without even letting me a good point or talent of his. I can understand why 1 of my friend calls himself good in some way or another.
Nah sorry, i just hate it. Keep finding excuse, no goals in life, attitude problem. He can kp us but when we kp him, not happy. Never knew he's been irriating. Keep talking bad about others while everything he say bad about others, he got them.
Sorry but, i have to release but i think here.
So to wrap up the day. Picture of the day. From the anime Tsubasa.
Ningyo Hime  November 18 Swimming Again.Yeh yeh, so i went swimming again, with another group of friends. Althought going with the differet group and doing different things, its still the same, fun. Try out quite a new thing today. I went for the slide, when inside, i attempt to stuck myself in the slide, actually i'm just waiting for my float to flow down since it fly away when i "unequip" myself with it. But in the end my friend came down with my float. The life guard tell my another friend who was waiting. "you friend? tell them if they come up i'll scold them". Haha.
O then, before swimming went to mos burger and eat and saw this cool handphone keychain or whatever u call it. I asked everyone to buy since there's 5 kind. However 1 of my friend spoil the fun, so in the end onli 4 of us got it. This is the thing we buy, $2.50 each. Kinda cool, althought i got the most girly one...
I'm the tomato one. Each of these have their own name. Tomato-chan, Mos Chicken, Lettuce-Kun, Mos Burger-kun and lastly rice-chan which was the one that we did not buy. Last by not least, picture of the day. Not done by me, From the anime Rozen Maiden. Black Classical Suigin Tou
November 17 Bugis StreetWent bugis street today. When i reach there then know that i came there before. I remember that there's a girl working in girl's dreamland, very chio. So i try going pass there today to look for her. But sadly she's not there.
Then while working along the shops, i saw another shop with the same name, surprising she's inside. Glad that i get to see her before i leave.
So was accompany my group of friends as they want to buy some stuff. I didn't noe wat to buy but still i tagged along.
In the end, i end up buying a new BAG !!! Yeh ! my very first bag i choose myself. Not sure if its fashionable or already old, but i dun care, i think its pretty neat. Here's a picture of it
And so, here are my expenses of the day. $1.10 for a bottle of root beer , $2.20 for my takoyaki, $39 for the bag, $7.15 for my XXX Holic Vol. 10. In total i speld $49,45. Yeh not over $50 ! But i skipped my dinner...
Anyway picture of the day, ok not really a wallpaper but more of a scan. Demon Knight November 16 First time out with ite friendsToday, went swimming with my ite friends, first time going out not to study but for fun. Skipped the ngee ann for this, since its my friends birthday, just hope to give face.
Reach at around 1+, its too bad the girl can't join us since her bf doesn't allow, so we went with 6 boys. Every look big in size, which makes me looks even thinner. i wasn't supposes to rent a float but then they suddenly just rent a float for me. So no choice, have to pay. Instead of using the float to sit or to lie on, they usually use it as a throwing weapon and just keep throwing around.
The whole thing was fun and tiring since we do quite alot of energy wasting stuff. Not much girls in the pool today, kinda sad.
So anyway after we left the swimming pool, they forgot to take, or did not wan to take out a bag. And surprising the bag contains the money from the float we paid for. 1 of them lost $3 and the other lost $6. They were quite un happy about it, so as my another would do, he gave half of the deposit he receive to my friend. i also gave some, cause its like a fun day and i dun wan everyone to be unhappy just because of some money issues.
Lastly, picture of the day, from the anime Shakugan No Shana.
(This wallpaper won 1st prize in a wallpaper design competition host by Minitokyo.net)
The Place I Belong
 November 14 There's a limit to kindnessFinally, after so long, i see a friend of mine, finally find another of my friend "fan". Sorry cause i dun hope to mentions names here so i have to say until its so confusing.
I believe that guy is very fan from the start but my friend just afraid to ask the guy to go away, so she just keep quiet all along. But finally today, she start ignoring him. Then i asked her to conform it. And she said yes.
So i told her, try to ignore him if she doesn't want him near her, even though she dun really like it. I told her, Being kind is good, but there's a limit, or else you will feel bad/worst yourself.
Then she said she will give it a try, and there it goes, i shall see it tomorrow.
O and so its 10 pm, and now my event come in place, gonna have a game first.
And here's the picture of the day. From the anime Lucky Star.
Lucky Snow
 November 13 When You Lose, You TreasureWhen you have something, be it your gadgets, your family, your friends, you tend to not treasure them. You believe they will last forever, you believe they are always there. So, you tend to ignore the importants of them.
When you lose them, you found out, they are something that you need, they are something you can't live without. Then you start to know, the importants of them. Then you start to regret, why didn't you treasure them. In most cases, people do regret alot, regret of not paying more attention when its still there. But just tat, even after such thing happen, and u happen to lose them, you must then realise... that you need to treasure the remaining things around you, or else, you'll feel the same over and over again.
As in my cases, i did not realise that i lost her, i did not treasure the time i be with her. I wanted more, more than what i am now. I did not treasure then. I lost her, i did not realise, but i only regret. I did not realise that i need to treasure the remaining then. I lost alot of them, one by one, and now i feel so alone.
I decided now, that i must treasure what i have now, only then, i can know the importants of being here. I won't, lose anymore.
Now picture of the day, Done by ME ! Characters from Tsubasa.
Cloudy Fai  November 12 Clearing Up My Animes.Now i'm clearing up all my animes. Burning them all into CDs and then delete the original one from my computer to save some space. Thats the purpose of buying my 50 empty DVD-r, wahaha.
The days pretty lame as well. And dam the JCU teacher keep changing her time just because she's lazy to wait. Now i have to "remake" my timetable for my car lesson, wtf? I'm gona complain to the section head soon after i tell her that i have something on, and not just me, around 2 of my classmate have the same problem. And everyone wasn't happy about the multi changes.
I have no choice but to skip 1 of the lesson this thursday since i can't change the time for my car. DAM.
So anyway, a friend of mine i think somehow fight with his gf. And his gf wanted to break up. ok wanted a break up. I told my another friend about it and he says its natural and they will be ok in a few days. But then , i dunno why i'm quite worried althought its actually really none of my business, i feel kinda bad for him.
Now for picture of the day. Not done by me. A character from the show, Haruhi Suzumiya. I Present:
[It was told that the creator of this wallpaper did this for his girlfriend.]
<All parts of the wallpaper are self made, not from scans>
Flower Of My Summer
 November 11 No Swim8am in the morning, i played game with my cousin till around 12. Headed to a friend house at around 2, to wait for my another stupid friend to return to singapore for a swim. I manage to gather all those people who wan to swim to the friend house, but then my that friend who was in malaysia hasn't reach home yet. In the end we did not swim... Just ate out.
So nothing much today, Just went around talking and playing. We sit down and chat in the mcdonald for like 30 mins. After that we all went back home, since there's school tomorrow for most of us, or work.
Come to think of it, maybe i should style my hair a little, since i have not style it for a long time already. But then again, maybe i should do it when i reached poly.
Ok then, nothing else. Picture of the day. Done By Me!
Never Knew
 November 10 Sim Lim -> OrchardWent to sim lim today with my friends, since he wanna get a new ram and a combo dvd burner or what ever shit.
I decide to check things out, to find a place to repair my stupid psp button which was made broken by one/two of my fellow classmate. I manage to buy 50 pieces of dvd-r for $25, still quite expensive to me. But then, when i wanted to repair my buttons, i was told, $80. WTF? Dam the button cost like $20 and the service charge is $60? WTH?
So forget it. I then head to Plaza Singapura which was just near. Went and get my psp skin and i manage to paste it on my psp just now
 Ok its quite blurish, but nvm... So i bought this at $18.90, which is cheaper by $1.10 compare to some shop in sim lim.
So then we decide to head to orchard, just when we pass by somerset, i decide to sms another of my friend since she work there, hoping to receive her reply before we reached orchard. But then no reply then we just head to orchard, NGEE ANN CITY. Again, its no surpirse that there's the big x'mas tree again. Everytime the same thing. Here's a picture of it.
Its like 5 stoery high. This time, they used Red. I think they change the color every year if i'm not wrong. Spent like $50+ today, including the dvd and psp skin i bought + the things i ate. Takoyaki in orchard, pastamania baked rice (nice one u should try it out), Tori Q set, a bottle of root beer, and a can of soya bean. So this conclude the day, tired from the whole day of event, reached home at around 8pm. Hope i can bring someone to this chrismas in orchard. O ya and lastly the picture for today. Not done by me. Found on the net. Best Performance November 09 I Attempt To Be SomeoneFew years back, i like this girl. She didn't knew, we were just friends, until then.
I hope to know her more, i hope to get closer to her, there was this fine day called Valentine. Hoping to get her out, hoping to be together with her.
Fear of not knowing her well, i told her i like a girl, but did not mention its her. I asked her for advice, i asked her for tips. Believing what she say will be what she prefer, will be what she like.
Not knowing that i'm using her as a tool to get closer to her, i continue. Not knowing i'm being stupid, i continue.
Thought that finally i knew her well through my way to "forcefully receiving information", i tell her. Never knew her reaction, she's not facing me. Thought its a success, but few days after. I receive a message, through online messenger. "I'm not the type for you, sorry".
It was sad, but at least, i thought we could be friends. But then, everything change. I'm no more friend of hers, i attempt to get near, but she just keeps getting further. She won't talk.
Now i think, maybe because i "make use" of her to get to know her caused all this.
Not knowing the answer to why she's treating me like a stranger, i kept thinknig for years. And come up with that answer. Not knowing if its right or wrong.
Well these have passed, i gave up, i forgot, i'm relieve.
Anyway i decide to share either a piece of my work, or some picture i found on the net everytime i add a blog so here's one of them
So Here's today one! Done By Myself!
Falling Sakura  November 08 GamingsGaming is starting to make me bored, its like, dam boring to play with. Well it does cure some boreness when i have nothing to do. Or just by playing once in a while. Really, gaming is starting to make no sense and i found out that no games make me wanted to play more.
I'm starting to think, should i start to train up, to be more fitter. Do some hair cut and make myself look better? but really, why do i want to do this? to attract girls? if that's the case, i hope to just remain how i was now. If really, girls dun go for looks.
Well so anyway, tml there will be a maths test at ngee ann, this time i'm not gonna wear ite uniform and go in, i gonna bring in extra clothing so i can change. Shouldn't have any probleming passing the test, getting A should just increase the diffculties by 1 point effect. Since the starting chapter is just so lame... which is like secondary stuff. And they call this B. Maths?
November 05 NothingNo Maths today, no thinking period today, so lame, so boring...
School is boring without maths, but luckily there's plc today. Maths cancel since mdm mak is on course. Did some badminton today and now finally after so long can hit the shuttle cork or cock or watever.
Anyway, i should like this, but then again i hope i dun like this. Should i choose to like or not to? If i wan, i might feel fear again, if i dun i might feel regret. Everytime this stupid decision kills me. But then again, it might makes me seems like a flirt, therefore i think i'll choose not to like it.
As the time to get into poly come closer and closer, i feel so excited, cause its always a dream to go in poly and study, ok this sounds stupid. I have been dragged away from my "dream" for far long enough, i hope i can make it for poly this time.
Please god let me join poly. To further my studies and of course, get a new girl friend. i hope
 November 04 If Theres Only You In The WorldIf you are the onli guy/girl in the world. How would you feel? How would u think? What would you do?
Would you feel happy? Cause the whole world is yours, the whole place belongs to you. No one to snatch what you wan. No one other than you will nature react to.
Would you feel sad? Cause there's nothing left in the world other than you. There's no friends, family. It feels as if you are nothing and your life is nothing more than a bucket of water, plain water.
Would you start thinking of imaginary friends? To keep you accompany, to make yourself happier, or maybe just to kill time?
Would you have a goal? Something that you want to do in life. Something that is impossible to just do it instantly, but takes time and effort.
Would you even know that you exist here? You don't know there's "yourself" here. That, yourself is the only life in the world.
Who can you believe? There's only yourself, you have to believe yourself, nothing more for you to believe.
Therefore, everything in the world exist because they belong here, they exist because its needed, they exist to be near you, they exist so they can communicate with you.
Everyone have their own meaning in life, everyone is dependent on anyone, or anyone is dependent on everyone.
So i believe, there's someone who needs me, someone who believe in me, someone which i can fully trust in. Someone, which, must exist for me to be here. November 03 Swimming DaysYeh yeh swim swim today at Jurong. Tiring and fun.
First when we reached there, they claim they saw Michelle lee, the one from the e2 class one. I'm not quite sure bout it since i'm not wearing my glasses and can't see a shit. But i did near a familiar voice. So well, it might be her. So in the end they hang out around the lazy pool, of course i'm in too, in search of chio bu. And of course play around.
Just for 3 hours we went around doing the same thing again and again. Before we left, we saw a pair of quite pretty girl, we decide to hang around them, ok just behind or infront of them. While entering "Sleath" mode, we saw the pair of girls, got surrounded by around 6 guys. Althought i dun hear the next part but my friends claim that they heard the girl shout "Go away la CB" or something like that.
The Attitude really gave me bad impression of the girls, so i then decide to just ignore them and in search of the next one. But then nothing. So we decide to just pack up and go home.
O ya, dun eat the Western food thats just outside the jurong swimming pool, they have bad attitude and the chicken chop is small. So yeh, wtf? I asked for 2 extra pack of tomato sauce and they say they will onli gif me one. I asked for tata sauce and they asked for extra fee, wtf?
So anyway nice trip today, but just down on luck on the girls part, althought my group of friends, ok just 2 of them keep saying michelle is nice looking.
So tired my whole arm gonna drop off
November 02 ITE UniformWent Ngee Ann for the maths lesson again today.
Was wearing the ite uniform while walking into the school. Everyone in the school was like... keep looknig at me. Its like, what the hell? I know i'm not as smart as them but they just keep looking at me, i hate it, i hate wearing ite uniform. Even though alot of people had tell me about ITE is nothing but a name, still i can't accept it after so long.
So was walking to my block, then went across the zebra crossing, then came a car, i believe its one of the student in ngee ann. It just cross over infront of me even though i'm crossing, what the hell??? i could have been knock down. This conclude the 2nd near-accident-situation that i occur which i could have lost my life.
So was thinking, i'm suppose to have a girlfriend at my age? Suppose to? must have? Maybe. But i'll just let nature take its place. I had always wanted to try again. To Work Hard For Something I Want. Thats what i always tell myself. To work hard or to attempt to work hard for a girl i like. But fear had brought me no where. I can't end up like everyone. I always thought i'm not good for a girl then would in the end just give up. Even though i think i really like her. |
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